A Girl in the bottle
One day in the afternoon there was a little 5 year old girl walking along the beach, cause they were in a family vacation for the holidays. She was minding her own business. Then suddenly she heard a genie in a bottle saying, "hey little girl come over here". The girl said "why are you stuck in a bottle"? The genie said, "it's a long story, now come over here and let me free". The little girl did what he asked but questioned the genie a 2nd time. "Why are you stuck in the bottle". The genie said, "we have no time for this"!. The little girl removed the bottle cap off and set the genie free. The genie said, "at last i'm free". The little girl was laughing at his reaction. But she was shrinking and shrinking until she went in the bottle. She tried screaming and crying out for help but there was nobody.
Hi Etuale,
ReplyDeleteThere is short and then there is short.
I love the start of your story but I know you are able to add more interest such as who was the little girl, why was she walking on the beach by herself, where was the bottle?
Maybe she could ask some more questions of the genie.
How did she set the genie free?
Please could you give it another go!
I am looking forward to reading a more extended version.
Mrs M
Hi Etuale
ReplyDeleteMy name is Jamai from WBS I really enjoyed the story. I really wish I could find a magic genie that grants wishes. I would wish I had telekinesis.
Hi my name is Sayler and this story is so interesting that I think you should write more. I also liked how you put lots of punctuation. Although why did the little girl let the genie free and how did the little girl get in the bottle??
ReplyDeleteHello Etuale,
ReplyDeleteMy name is Bella and I go to Wainui Beach School.
This is a cool story, I like the plot. This reminds me of a story our Principal read to us once, it was about a little woman who lived in a bottle and a genie would always hear her complaining and grant her wishes of a bigger house! Eventually, the woman had nothing to do since she had so many maids to do everything for her, so she moved back to her little bottle. This is a cool short story but maybe you could make it a bit longer by...
-Describing the beach
-Describing the girl & Genie
-What was the weather like?
-How did the girl feel once she was trapped inside the bottle?
-What did their voices sound like?
Overall this is an interesting and very cool story!
From Bella
Hi Etuale,
ReplyDeleteI like the way that you started the story with the little girl not the genie because if you did it wouldn't have made that much sense. Your story reminds me of the story Thumbelina because she is as small as your thumb. Maybe next time you could add more information about the little girl and genie. Have you read the book Thumbelina? What happens next? From Sarah